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But once in a while, a similar snow flake comes along.

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Stick with that snow flake.

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The thing about our minds is that they are absolutely brilliant with the process of [...]]]> I’ve learned a lot about life, people and the world over the past few years. I’ve come to realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with life itself, however, the only thing that can make something appear “wrong” is our minds.

The thing about our minds is that they are absolutely brilliant with the process of analysis and interpretations of the world. The complex functions and processes of our minds never cease to amaze me.

However, while it is so powerful at processing reality, it is just as powerful at creating realities and misconceptions that could trap us within the misery of negative emotions/thoughts.

There are several misconceptions about life that many people tend to live by everyday. To the many of them, these life philosophies may appear to be the norm, however, underneath it all, many of these misconceptions have the potential of bringing the worst emotional sufferings in life.

Therefore, this post will highlight the some of the misconceptions that I think is necessary to remind many of us that they are indeed simply misconceptions.

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Misconception #1

Happiness is the end product of the linear progress of your accomplishments.

This is obviously false. Many people have spent their life-time achieving everything that they’ve ever wanted, however, still end up feeling empty and lost inside. Why? Because they’ve got the whole happiness concept wrong.

Happiness is not a stage in life, nor can it be acquired through external materialistic mediums. It is an ability and a wisdom within you that you can unlock everyday if you just simply and sincerely choose to.

I’m not saying that it is simple as that; it involves a consistent commitment to accept situations and people in your life. It involves appreciating your existence and what is important to you. It involves having a wide range of deep and profound emotions that makes life meaningful.

You are happy when you are attentive to the depth of your life, not the price of it.

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Misconception #2

You should be happy normally; if not then you aren’t doing something right/something is wrong with you.

This is absolutely false. This is a serious misconception, because of this false belief; many people will end up feeling unhappier that they are unhappy.

The human mind is evolved in a way to analyze and to interpret realities for protective reasons. It is a brilliant however ancient mechanism that keeps us alert of potential troubles and dangers.

Those dangers used to be getting killed by sabre-tooths, but now our mind keeps that attention somewhere else such as exams, dates, career, income, relationships, and everything else that can create anxiety, worries, depression and fear within us. In other words, this ancient evolved mechanism creates irrational fears and other negative emotions.

All in all, being unhappy is not an abnormality. We only feel that way because our society likes to promote that image, thus making the average folk feeling flawed – which ironically makes us unhappy.

Many people also think that other people are naturally happier than they are, making them feel like the odd on out. However, everybody is merely the same, we all have problems that we do not wish to share with the public therefore we put on a strong and happy facade…but really who knows how happy everyone is?

So, it’s alright to feel unhappy, because it’s absolutely normal, and you should be glad or even happy that you feel can unhappy…as it is the unhappiness in life that really makes you appreciate the truly happy and important moments you have experienced.

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Misconception #3

The future always holds a happier place than the one you are in now.

Nope, in the conceived reality (not including alternate universes), there is no such thing as the future. You cannot see, hear or experience the future in any way. If you think you are, you are experiencing your mental concept of the future during the present moment.

The problem with this misconception is that most people are used to seeing the present as a mere “stepping-stone” into their salvation of a future. By having that belief, they treat the only source of life (the present) as a tool and not as an experience or a window of satisfaction.

By believing that you shall experience more joy in the future, you divert your focus away from actually having the desire to experience joy right now.

Realize that the only time in life that you can take action and feel emotions is right now, therefore, take the only opportunity you have of the present and start the lifestyle you’ve always desired.

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Misconception #4

Your happiness depends on the behaviors of others’ and the outcome of your life situations.

Your mood, actions, thoughts, emotions, behaviors, whatever, is all your responsibility alone. Some people and situation may direct you down that path of negativity, but it is completely your doing if you continued and worsened it.

While I do believe that it is impossible for us to completely control our thought patterns and emotions, we could however, still choose to pay attention to what goes on in our heads. We may not have the control of how we could get pissed when someone acts like an a**hole, but we can make a decision to whether we should focus and direct our energies towards the negativity that are present in our lives.

Therefore, bad situations and a**holes can potentially introduce to you to the path of negativity, however, it is still ultimately up to you to whether if you want to continue down that path or not.

I don’t know about you, but the path of appreciation and acceptance seems a bit better than the one that says frustration and grudge on the road-sign.

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Misconception #5

Happiness only happens when you have no negative thoughts in your head.

False. Because having no negative thoughts in our heads permanently is simply…pretty impossible. You might be able to experience momentary freedom of negative thoughts, for a few seconds some days, or even a few minutes some other days, but the truth is – Human beings are naturally paranoid and attracted to negative things, it is the way we have evolved to think and to emote.

Not even a Zen master who spent years practicing mindfulness can permanently turn off his negativity switch in his head. So what does that mean? It means there is no point trying to fight the negative thoughts in your head, nor is there any point to avoid it, because they will always be there.

The key is to stop fighting and avoiding the negativity, and to just accept that there is negativity in you. It also matters to where you direct your attention to, if you choose to pay attention to the negative thoughts in your head while you are having a conversation, then of course you aren’t going to enjoy the conversation.

When you focus on things that aren’t truly necessary for you in life – then you aren’t happy.

Happiness happens when you realize what is truly important and meaningful in your life. It happens when you start to pay attention to the things that genuinely matters to you.

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Misconception #6

Death will not interfere with your “pursuit” of happiness.

This one always gets me. Because I always intuitively believe that I will live for at least another 50 years. But guess what? I have no idea what will happen in the future.

The truth is…who knows? My life could end in the next 2 hours, the next 2 weeks, the next 2 months, or the next 50 years. Certainly feels scary and odd when you think it like that huh?

What I’m trying to say is that, we take for granted for the amount of time that we think we will have on this planet. We constantly waste countless days and months because we had subconsciously planned out how long it will take us to be content and happy.

Most of us never really do feel like we are ready to be satisfied and happy yet…”just a little more going on in our lives and we will be happy”.

Take the chance you have now while you are still living, be appreciative of what you have, let the people you care about know that you do, and treat every day as an opportunity to enjoy what’s in store for us in this huge realm of possibilities.

Most important of all, pay attention to what’s important, not what’s simply there.

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Misconception #7

Self-help books, personal development programs, and this blog post will solve your problems and worries.

Nothing else is the solution but you. You can read hundreds of self-help books, read every post on this blog or any other personal development blogs, but if you don’t take action to actually improve your life-style then only one thing will happen – NOTHING.

Different things work for different people. Some people prefer the step by step programs where they follow the structural presentations and understanding of success. Some people might prefer a more philosophical approach in order to achieve a deeper understanding to human nature and spirit. Others might just prefer consistent conditioning and training of their minds in order to produce better habits for a healthier lifestyle.

The bottom line is that you are never going to make any progress on improving your life unless you take action. If you consistently learn knowledge about a healthy lifestyle however rarely or even never practicing it, and you wonder why your life hasn’t gotten better?…well…why do you think that’s even the case then?

So, let me ask you a very important question: what are you going to do?

Your life? Or your self-image?

I’ve recently noticed in my own actions and thoughts, that the focus of them were often either on the protection of my ego or the promotion of it.

I realized that I’ve lived my life not to experience the colors and mysteries of my time, but to either indirectly match my level [...]]]>

Your life? Or your self-image?

I’ve recently noticed in my own actions and thoughts, that the focus of them were often either on the protection of my ego or the promotion of it.

I realized that I’ve lived my life not to experience the colors and mysteries of my time, but to either indirectly match my level of “status” with others or to increase my concept of self-worth, eliciting a false sense of superiority.

This has always been one of my biggest problems in the past. It hasn’t been so much of a problem in the present because I have become more self-aware.

SCHOOL STARTED IT ALL

School is a domain of competition. Be it sports, academics, popularity, or the latest fashion trends, every student is constantly being compared in every possible angle of their mental contests.

When I was stuck in school, sure I had good friends and I cared for them. However, the majority of the time, it was constantly just about students competing with each other and talking about their statuses of their academic records, sports achievements, and possessions.

It was a constant desperation for students to either feel equalized with those of who they admire, or for establishing a greater achievement, generating the “superior” feeling.

Now you might say, that these students’ desperate need to equalize or advance only exist within the immature minds of…well students. You might think that once these students are released from their education, and forced to live a life of their independence, that they will be prepared or at least…be forced to be prepared to live and to experience.

That isn’t true however, in fact that is never true.

WE ALL DO THIS

Everybody of every age usually constantly live their lives to either feel good about themselves, or to avoid feeling bad about themselves.

There are several examples that I’ve experienced and witnessed personally that I can provide so that you may see how this can happen.

Conversations

• When two people having a conversation and one person like to inform the other of the news, gossip, or personal information, they are simply expanding their concept of their egos.

• Because when a person reveals a part of knowledge that is unknown to the listener, the speaker feels a sense of superiority, the speaker possesses a knowledge that only he/she has between the two of them.

• When people gossip, the speaker simply just wants the listener to feel : “ I told you this, remember I am the source of this knowledge, you got it from ME, if it wasn’t for ME you would’ve never known right now”

• This sort of conversation is a battle of superiority, for the person who informs may feel like the educator, therefore standing in a superior position.

Hobbies

• Many people immerse themselves with a hobby, simply because it makes them feel good about themselves. It makes them feel unique to maybe adopt a skill that is rarely practiced by others, or it makes them equalized within the status of a healthy individual when immersed in that hobby.

• I can play 3 instruments, paint and I have competed in tournaments of 2 sports…but I do it for myself and not for others. I play with those instruments, because I am absolutely fascinated by their mechanics and the results they produce. I paint because it helps me express my visualizations that I generate within my mind. I play those sports, because I am again passionate about the fun they give me.

• When you are enjoying a hobby simply because it boosts your ego, then you are going to feel empty and bored with it. Hobbies and interests are something that should be a time of personal space and immersion, in which the individual reside in their own little world of joy and stillness.

Materialism

• Okay, materialism is so far the main method to boost one’s ego. Be it the amount of money you possess, the type of gadget, the brand of clothes, the amount of tattoos, the type of fashion, the color of your hair, make-up, and a whole bunch of other things that is going to make this post 5000 words long.

• These “things” are all windows of opportunities to boot the scale of ego within someone.

• Because you’d feel good about yourself when you are rich (with a lot money), constantly upgraded and mainstream (new gadgets), sophisticated and fashionable (clothing brands), unique and outstanding (tattoos and unique fashion type), and ultimately superficially attractive (make-up).

• All of the advertisement agencies know that human beings live to promote or to protect their ego, so they commercialize their products specifically so that they would boost our self-image. Many of them has advertisements that elicit an indirect message of what would happen if you DON’T get their products – “you will be unattractive, not mainstream, not included, not smart, not lucky, etc” They know exactly how to make people feel bad first, then introduce their product as an ego cure right afterwards – incredibly evil, but ingenious.

I think I have done enough of examples…OH WAIT, one more!

Internet

• BLOGS boost one’s ego. Having a blog gives the blogger complete control over his/her community.

• Having a blog provides information, therefore making the blogger the educator to the masses.

• Having a blog allows the bloggers’ voice to be the most important, automatically letting them know that they have the loudest voice on their site.

• And doesn’t it just sound unique and cool when you tell someone in real life “I have a blog!”?…Well not for long…everyone is going to have one soon…so boast about it while you still can!

• Boy, do I feel superior to all of my readers already! “I am SO MUCH SMARTER AND BETTER YOU!” (sarcasm).

That is all I have to give, I try to live my life to sincerely accept and to appreciate what it gives me, rather than wasting my time trying to protect feeling bad and promote feeling good. I’ve done that long enough, and the only result I got from that is a hole of self-esteem that can never be filled.

So let me ask those of you who are reading this…are you living your life to experience and to connect? Or are you living your life just so you can rise above everyone else?

Stop living life for the promotion of your and others’ impression(s) of you, you cannot compare human beings with each other. The impression that you have on others and yourself, is not at all universal, it is a personal opinion that is easily varied across the world.

Just as blue might be your favorite color, and orange might be mine, there is no universal law binding them and stating blue is just “scientifically” a better color than orange. Personal opinions are not facts, just as the impression of ego you have upon yourself or you think others have upon you are not worth the time for contemplation about whether if it is the universal truth or not…BECAUSE IT ISN’T.

One advice I would give (I swear I’m not trying to establish superiority here), is that just immerse yourself with life experiences, without any self-examinations and comparisons (I know it’s hard).

Take whatever comes and goes as life it’s self and not as a fault or virtue of your own.

Live and love for yourself and others, not for your ego.

photo credit

note: post was taken down for some corrections

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you should all know what I sound like in my posts and comics…I sound pretty silly (immature) and loud ( with lots of “!!!!!!!!! ”).

But let me tell you something really surprising, I’m actually [...]]]>

note: post was taken down for some corrections

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you should all know what I sound like in my posts and comics…I sound pretty silly (immature) and loud ( with lots of “!!!!!!!!! ”).

But let me tell you something really surprising, I’m actually an extreme introvert in real life. (OMG REALLY?!)

Yes, really! Now I know you might have just dropped your jaw and need to find it, but hear me out on this one.

My introversion has been one of my major problems in my whole life. I had begun to think that I was socially impaired because of it, and spent years trapped within the concept that I was dumb, alone and different in a very bad way.

In a short set of phrases, being introverted caused me: social phobia, low self-esteem, and isolation.

My acting career – “The Extrovert”

I tried to fit in, just like you have in your life. I’m sure you can agree that there are some parts of you that just don’t seem right to be shown in the public, causing you to hide and copy some behaviors as a mask making you feel more accepted and “normal”.

That is exactly what I did; I tried my best to be an extrovert. I tried to talk about mundane things that most people usually enjoy (which I still don’t quite understand why). I tried to appear outgoing and talkative.

And the result of that is? Well, I would be completely exhausted, and sometimes I’d even feel confused about my identity. It’s pretty much having going to work being an actor every single second of my days (its fine the first time…but tiring the 385,859^th time)

After years of figuring out who I am and trying to change myself for the bettering of the world (where extroverts roam), I finally just say to myself: “I am an introvert, not a shy and insecure extrovert!”

That is what the world around us can do, the lost introverts may feel that they are simply extroverts who are flawed in terms of communication and networking.

Introverts in an extroverted world – It could be hard, I know.

As you all know, an introvert is usually someone who would rather spend time alone by him/her self than to be around many people. For an introvert, being around a lot of people drains our energy. Therefore, we’d like to recharge with individual activities – such as reading, meditating or any other creative solo projects.

However, being an introvert does not mean we are afraid of being around people. I for one actually like to be around people, I want to connect with others (I mean who doesn’t?). An introvert simply prefers to be by ourselves (or with 1 or 2 close friends) rather than being around people all the time.

But the problem comes with the introvert stereotype- introverts are often seen as the weaker and much more of a “loser” (party pooper) than an extrovert. Because in modern media portrayal, the popular characters are often successful in social interactions, has huge network of “friends”, goes to parties, and pretty much out drinking all the time (jk of course…)

I mean look at all of the “awesome” celebrities, they are all partying all the time! Who doesn’t want to be Paris Hilton?

The problem with that ridiculous portrayal is, many people fall under that trap. They would feel bad about themselves when they actually like to spend time alone, because culture is telling us that we should be going out while having thousands of “friends”!….otherwise we are just LOSERS AND LONERS.

Our culture and the people within it have the power to make the introverts feel like that we are just flawed extroverts.

The POWER of an introvert

Well…let me tell you something about our “flaws”, if you are an introvert:

• You are naturally calm, collected and thoughtful. (rarely compulsive)

• You have an incredible amount of sense of self, higher awareness and consciousness about our identities, emotions and thoughts.

• You greatly appreciate the deep and close connections of a few settled friends, introverts often have more profound and lasting relationships than extroverts.

• You often show innate ability of creative thinking and originality.

• You can be very understanding of someone else’ emotions and thoughts; it is easier for you to establish true emotional connection.

• Although introverts do not express much, introverts can be extremely witty with their languages, arts or even humor.

• Introverts tend to be more compassionate instead of aggressive.

• Introverts are often considerate people, they like to listen to others and focus on outside stories.

• Fascinated with conversations involving deep and profound topics – human nature, philosophy, emotional consciousness, and some other mind boggling things that I’m too dumb to think of.

• Introverts are “quiet achievers“, they spend more time helping someone and/or the world rather than the extrovert who would likely to be more focused on talking about his/her efforts.

Flaws? I don’t think so.  Rather, these are traits that introverts should be proud of.

Introverts are weird? Nah, they are just profound and creative people with ideas and habits that this superficial world just don’t seem to focus on anymore.

Now I’m not trying to post a propaganda solely promoting introverts (okay maybe I am a little…:D), but what I am trying to say here is that…there is absolutely no reason for anyone who is an introvert to feel bad about it.

If you want to spend some time alone because you feel tired from spending time with many people…that is okay. If you enjoy the silences and prefer not to talk while there are people in the same place…that is okay too. And if you are in conversation and not really into the small talk …THAT’S OKAY!

There is nothing wrong with you nor is there any reason for you to feel bad about being like that, simply because you are just another human being with a different set of preferences.

In fact we should feel proud that we are the way we are.

You’re an introvert, be proud

If you are an introvert reading this, then do a favor for me and feel fortunate that you are the way you are.

• Many people find it hard to be able to fully focus and listen to someone while they are talking; however, introverts are mostly experts at this.

• Many people need people around them all the time, otherwise they risk feeling lonely and isolated. Introverts are not only fine with being independent; they even like it and prefer it usually.

• Many people can know a lot of people and be constantly surrounded by them, however, still feel lonely and disconnected. Introverts usually sustain more deep relationships with meaning and substance.

• Many people live their lives in confusion of their emotions and mentality. Introverts are naturally introspective, therefore they have a better understanding of who and how they are, ultimately making them wiser in terms of having a good life-style.

• Many people are easily influenced by their peers on who they should be, however, introverts with their high awareness of their identity are more likely to be immune from external and negative influences. Therefore they are less vulnerable to pressures, making them more independent and indirectly stronger.

There are many characteristics of an introvert that are more than just beneficial to the individual, but also to the world itself.  Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Carl Jung and many other creative and brilliant world revolutionists were all introverts. And I’m sure they were damn proud to be who they were.

Tips for the struggling introvert

Now let’s be real and honest here, it doesn’t matter how much I can praise an introvert (because I think they deserve it), but the world and your life can only work well if you are liked by people…the more the better.

So here some tips I suggest for my fellow introverts that can help you in terms of communication and dealing with people. (I’m following them too)

• This one is obvious, and you may have already done it. Just copy social behaviors and learn social skills from people that you look up to. If you practice this for a while, it’ll come as second nature (of course with introversion being your first nature ).

• Find introverts and socialize with them. It is surely tiring to deal with extroverts, so it is definitely more comforting and connecting to talk to someone who is similar to you. You’d find support and understanding through this.

• Learn small talk. Although it can be mundane, it does however, open up great opportunities for networking with people that could be beneficial for your well being, relationships, and even career. It’s easy to learn, if you have a mirror at home.

• Most importantly, don’t ever put yourself down for being shy and not wanting to talk. People can usually relate to shyness and awkward silences. It’s OKAY.

• Final rewards. Every time you’ve overcome your obstacle within your introversion, reward yourself and link positive associations with your effort. Overtime, it’ll feel much more positive instead of negative when it comes to interaction.

• Lastly, feel awesome because you are thoughtful, aware and deep.
  

I’m not providing these tips because there is something wrong with introverts, but while introverts do have their great qualities, they still sometimes have hard times with their enclosed nature. That nature may sometimes bring serious problems into their lives (I know that from experience), so the best thing is to accept your nature, be proud with what you are good at and improve what you aren’t.

Final words

I applaud you if you have read every word all the way through (seriously I applaud you). If you didn’t I completely understand (lol).

So if you don’t have the time/energy to read everything, I’ll just leave you with this one phrase:

I’m going to get to the point right now.

I call our minds the torture chamber simply because it is a chamber that tortures human beings. Why? Well, because our minds are there to remind us how problematic our lives can be.

Everybody has problems right? Everybody has things that are upset about…in their minds. However, in [...]]]>

I’m going to get to the point right now.

I call our minds the torture chamber simply because it is a chamber that tortures human beings. Why? Well, because our minds are there to remind us how problematic our lives can be.

Everybody has problems right? Everybody has things that are upset about…in their minds. However, in reality, there is no such thing as a problem; there are just situations you’d have to deal with.

Only our thoughts and minds have the ability to see things as problematic and cause us to swirl into an emotional turmoil.

When we are trapped within this chamber of torture, we are disconnected from reality and truth.

That mental noise in the back of our mind can just be there constantly reminding us about:

• Our problematic life situations.

• Our troubled pasts.

• Our pessimistically unknown future.

• Our flaws of health, personalities, intelligence, image, etc.

We become so disinterested and out of focus on many things in the present moment, simply because in the back of our mind, there is a distant noise constantly reminding us what our problems are.

“There is something wrong with us” “There is something wrong with my life”.

It’s fine if you get those thoughts occasionally, as natural human beings we are expected to get impulsively negative sometimes.

But what about having your mind voicing over you with your problems and dilemmas every single second of your days?

What if there is always a constant mental noise that you just can’t seem to get out of? Every night before you go to sleep, you surrender the fight to your mental noise. Every morning you wake up, you are greeted by the problematic parts of your life.

There is no better word to describe that constant imprisonment of mindless mental noise – torture.

Living as a prisoner of the mental noise –My experience

As an imperfect human being (as we all are), I’ve had many years of being trapped within that torture of mental noise.

I just couldn’t find a “close” button to the noises that are constantly reminding me how my life just sucks to the core.

I admit, I still am somewhat like this, but writing about this topic alone definitely helps me to become more mindful, and hopefully it will help those get out of their tortured lives of mental noises.

I remember when I was younger, every morning I would wake up feeling completely tired, everything felt gray and blurry. Nothing really meant much to me, because the noise in my mind was too just dominating.

But it is because of those wretched years of constant unconscious suffering that brought me to a point where I just became desperate enough to wake up.

I don’t believe that I am fully awake (yet), but I definitely am conscious enough to realize how my mental noise can keep me in a miserable illusion of my life.

If there is one major lesson I learned from that experience, that lesson would be: It’s true that the mental noises are a part of you, but they are not part of who you are.

The noises may be inside your head, but they do not define who you are, and definitely not your reality.

Once you start to distinguish between you and your mind, that illusion of “personal problems” would slowly dissipate, and you’ll eventually melt the illusions and tricks that your mental noise cast upon you.

You’ll slowly start to see that your background noise is nothing but a crazy lunatic who likes to mess with you…if in real life a crazy lunatic starts to tell you the things your mind does, how would you react?

You’ll treat the crazy lunatic as a crazy lunatic and not someone that is like you. You’ll disbelieve the junk he tells you and move on with your own life. And that is exactly what you are going to do with your mental noise.

Being the addict to compulsive thinking

Sometimes it is just too hard to simply ignore the things that our mind keeps telling us, because it is just CONSTANTLY THERE!

It is almost as if we are addicted to thinking compulsively and that it is completely out of our control.

The “close” button to our mental noise just seems smaller and smaller as years pass by with the on-going mental activities torturing our daily lives.

We become more mindless as we maintain the habit of compulsive thinking, so in order to stop the compulsive thinking, or at least slow it down a bit, we must first become mindful.

You’d become more mindful when you are no longer the actor of your thoughts but instead a watcher of them.

Instead of reacting to them and feeling bad, note down what you think about without your awareness, find out a pattern to your mental noise. Once you start to observe your mind, you are already a separate entity from it.

And once you become separate from it, that illusion cast by the noises slowly begins to melt, and another form of stronger and meaningful presence will arise – the true you.

Mental noise and alcohol

Why did I mention alcohol? Because it is one of the most common sources that people go to in order tune down their mental noises.

This is why people drink when they are stressed, because when they drink, they become so drunk they can’t even remember their problems anymore, and so that background noise eventually dies out…for a little while.

So, alcohol is actually beneficial in a way like that, it grants us a sense of temporary freedom from the mental torture of personal problems. Nothing would be there to constantly remind us that we have life problems, isn’t that just great?

Not really, because there is a bigger price to pay for drinking alcohol, aside from the money and health factors, you will become more mindless instead of mindful.

Once you rely on alcohol to shut down that mental noise, you’ll sink lower into your thoughts instead of rising above them. Because the thought and feeling of even wanting alcohol to quiet the noises in your head is part of the noise itself.

It isn’t just alcohol that does the job of course; you could do anything you want, as long as the activity renders you so mindless that you get to forget about your noises for a while.

Some of these activities could just be you surfing through the channels on a TV when nothing interesting is on. Or when you are on the internet surfing through pointless websites that would distract you for a moment away from your problematic mind.

I admit that I used to do that A LOT. I would often go through the pointless channels of commercials that make me mindless and distracted. Then I would forget about my problems for a bit, and return to live in the misery that my mind has provided for me after wards.

Conclusion

Confront your noises by become the watcher of them. Do not escape from them by thinking that it is part of who you are, and the only way to stop them is to dumb yourself down.

Your mind is the chamber of torture, step out of it knowing the mental noise says nothing about you or your life.

I’m going to take control, are you?

“Be yourself, everybody else is already taken” – Oscar Wilde, I don’t read Wilde, but this quote makes me seem smart.

Everybody always say:”just be yourself!”

I think that is the most overused advice from in the personal development history. Everybody says it, but does everybody actually practice it? As a matter a fact, does [...]]]>

“Be yourself, everybody else is already taken” – Oscar Wilde, I don’t read Wilde, but this quote makes me seem smart.

Everybody always say:”just be yourself!”

I think that is the most overused advice from in the personal development history. Everybody says it, but does everybody actually practice it? As a matter a fact, does everybody even know how to practice it?

I’m writing this post today, not because I want to show you how to, but because honestly, I want to tell you all that I simply do not know how to myself.

There, I said it; I have no idea how to be myself. Instead I see myself act differently various situations. There is never a time when I’m just always the same type of person in various occasions.

The truth of who we are…what is it? Tell me seriously, I don’t know.

I’m being truthful here; I act completely differently on the internet than I do in real life. In real life, I do not act as expressive as I do (how could I, come on, I would be thoroughly exhausted). In real life, I do not act as silly as I do in my comics (okay, maybe a little bit).

But all in all, what I am saying is that, I am myself on the web, but I am also another version of myself in real life (I’m not saying that on the internet is my fake life…come on that’s ridiculous…:S)

Speaking of real life, it’ll get even more complicated:

• When I’m in school, I am myself – school version.

• When I am in the bus, I am myself – passenger version.

• When I’m buying something, I am myself – customer version.

• When I’m with my family, I am myself – son version.

• When I am with my close friends, I am myself – friend version.

So who is the real me? Am I the comics guy Steven on the internet? Or am I the Steven in real life who really doesn’t talk as much as he thinks?

Here I am, writing a blog on personal development, sharing things that I’ve collected from my desperate years of growth, yet, doing so makes me put on a façade.

I am spreading the message of just being yourself, when I am lost within the immersion of social roles, having inconsistent philosophies and personalities.

Maybe you’d think it is natural for me to feel this way as I am only 19 years of age – the age of  the most arrogant, ego driven type who think they know what they are talking about.  Yeah, I am one of them.

But this is different, because even if you are 40 years old, or even 60 years old, you could just be acting your way through your whole life without you even knowing it.

So let me ask you a question, how’s your acting in real life?

Stop being yourself and blend in!

I remember when I was young, and I went to the malls with my mom. I saw her acting in completely different ways to strangers. I was well aware of the huge differences, and I wondered why people would ever want to do that…why would they act and hide?

I remembered my days growing up, I had so many questions. When I was a child, I had the gift of what billions of adults want in their lives. I had the gift of freely being myself.

But guess what happened? I grew up! I was somehow taught that being myself would get me judged in ways I wouldn’t like, being myself and being different gets me separated from others.

So what did I do? I had to adapt and survive. In other words, I had to blend in. I quickly started to copy the behaviors that our cultures promote, and hindered behaviors that our cultures and my peers looked down upon.

Culture, tells me to appear apathetic

As much as I hate to admit it, we’ve all been conditioned in a subconscious and sometimes in a conscious sense that we must change to live for the world – and not for ourselves. I for one have trained myself to appear apathetic in public, hooray! And I bet you have been too.

What a dumb thing that was for me. Now when I go on the bus, I just act like this apathetic bus passenger, just like anyone else. I put on my ear phones and I ignore people sitting beside me. Why do I perform such indifferent act and produce such a cold vibes?

Because our culture promote that behavior. Because that is the “normal” behavior. That is what an “average” person would do.

Seriously, every time I get on the bus, I really have a strong urge to just talk to the person sitting beside me.

I feel like saying to him/her: “Wouldn’t it be great, if everyone just hugged everyone right now? Why do we have to be so cold with each other, the atmosphere is so full of judgments and assumptions and ultimately ego driven separating behaviors. Why on Earth would anyone want to do that?”

But, my adaptive mind kicks in, it tells me:”no no no…people will think you’re weird! Why would you go talk to a stranger with such personal thoughts…JUST ACT like you don’t care!…just take in the role of a normal bus passenger!”

What does culture tell you?

Ask yourself, when was the last time you actually felt like you were your authentic self? In my opinion, different versions of ourselves appear depending on the circumstances, and by letting those versions of us take over, we mask over our authentic beings.

For instance:

• When you are a shopping at a mall, you immediately take in the role of being a “customer”.

• When you are seeing a doctor, you take the role of a patient.

• When you are near a child, you take the role of a superior adult.

• When you are at school, you take in the role of a student.

• When you are with a partner, you take in the role of a lover.

• When you are hanging out, you take the role of a friend.

• When you do a blog, you take the role of a blogger – who needs to have a good message in their posts, and should have good grammar…

So, do our actions, thoughts, and even personalities simply become dependent on various external environments? How are we supposed to just be ourselves, when we can change how we act so easily depending on the situations we are in? Is there even any chances in life that we can actually even express our authenticity?

Even when you are in a serious relationship, you could simply just be taking on a role of being a lover, instead of really just expressing your sincerity.

It isn’t because that you are faking your love when you are taking a role of the lover, but simply, you are following the foot-steps that our culture has shown you in terms of being in a relationship.

Cultures have shown you what is there to fear when you are in a relationship, what is there to gain, what kind of person you should be with, and what kind of person should be avoided.

Love now has become a game between the two partners, instead of a true establishment of connection from their pure authenticity.

How do you unlock you as in your true presence? How do you stop playing games and acting through?

Simply, yet difficultly, be yourself, don’t hold yourself back because that is the culturally trained version of yourself trying to tell you that you are ridiculous.

We’ve forgotten how to just be, but we’ve learn how to be accepted

The true authenticity of a character shines through the most when you are a child. Free from social structured norms and rules. Free from peer examinations. And best of all, free from self-doubts.

Without all of those things, what is left is something so pure and sincere…I call it “YOU”.

So, the next time you hear a phrase “just be yourself”; seriously, don’t make a commitment right after that and try to be yourself.

Because once you do that, you are not being yourself; you are trying to act like the person in which you think you are yourself.  You cannot try to be yourself, you can only just be.

The phrase “just be yourself” isn’t a phrase for the upgrade of our beliefs or actions, but rather a reminder that it is okay to let go of the rules that were bestowed upon by our ultimate dictating leader called “society”.

• I am at the age, where I have conditioned my mind to think in certain ways which I can hinder my authentic character for the audience of the public, yet I can still recall what it was like to go through the process of trying to fit it.

• Many people of the older generations have already forgotten their “fitting in” process, and have long defined their selves solidly with the behaviors that our culture puts upon us.

• So, through this post, I hope you feel more aware of the truth in you. The next time you are buying something from the store, don’t act like a customer, act like yourself.

I’m trying hard not to get swirled into the social roles that I’d have to play every day, I try to be conscious of my actions and my thoughts. I want to treat the server at a restaurant as a human being just like me and not as someone who needs to make me satisfied.

Oh and also, don’t you just hate those magazines that take photos of celebrities and put a giant message on top of them that says “LOOK THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!”….WHAT?! Why would they be ANY DIFFERENT?! Well, that just goes to show you how the opportunities of immersing within social roles are everywhere.

Conclusion

Anyways, I’m sorry to have written such a long post; I promise I will cut it shorter next time. Because I know that when you play the social role of an internet surfer, your attention span is pretty much cut 200% down xD…jk

This is what happens when I write in authenticity, no acts, and no fears. Just me; and stuff just flow right now, what a surprise huh?

Lastly, I want to leave you all with this message:

Just be, don’t act.

PS: Thanks Zeenat for providing the quote Possibilities & Individualities. You got me thinking with that quote, and inspired me to write this post.

So what happens when you are upset? If you were to describe it as vividly as you can in a visual sense, what you would see?

For me, when I feel down, it is as if my whole world is filled up with a thick layer of smog. I can’t see anything clearly, everything is grayish, [...]]]>

So what happens when you are upset? If you were to describe it as vividly as you can in a visual sense, what you would see?

For me, when I feel down, it is as if my whole world is filled up with a thick layer of smog. I can’t see anything clearly, everything is grayish, and nothing seems to matter as much as the smog I am in.

The smog is full of negative emotions, full of stress, disappointments, frustrations, confusion, sadness and anger.

Now, what do you usually do to get out of that smog of negative emotions? Is it even possible to get out of it right away? The answer is obviously yes; yes you can get out of it right away.

Before I go on talking about stuffs on how to get out of it quickly, I think it is best to learn why some people feel upset for a long time and why some people feel upset for a few minutes and they move on.

What are the differences?

So what is the difference between a person who sulks and a person who moves on?

Well, before we look at the differences we must have knowledge of each person’s traits and habits that contribute to their attitude in an upsetting situation. So let’s compare and contrast between Person A and Person B.

Let’s make person A the “sulker” and person B the person who moves on.

Person A characteristics:

• I often let other people and external situations define who I am as a person

• I usually rely heavily on particular things in the world to make me happy

• I don’t have a strong sense of reality and self-image (low confidence/esteem)
  

• I generally don’t like myself, and I deny that fact at the same time
  

• I live in denial, I don’t admit I have problems, and I don’t usually admit that I make mistakes
  

• I see people in a hierarchical sense, meaning that I will feel better if I am higher/better than others

• I let small incidents define the general pattern of my life (ex. If I do bad on a test, it must mean I will do bad later on and that I am dumb)

• I think a lot about the past, which makes me think more about the future because I am scared and I want be to sure what is going to happen; scared of the unknown

• I do things to please others and to promote my social image

• I deny

Person B characteristics:

• I have a strong sense of self, I know who I am and who I am not, I don’t act any more or less than what my identity holds

• I believe that my happiness is based on how I see the world and not what the world can give me

• I like myself and I accept mistakes as natural occurrences for improvement

• I have a strong sense of reality; therefore my philosophy of life is generally consistent

• I do things mostly out of sincerity, and I am myself sincerely to others

• I try to stay in the present, because I understand that the present is where life can only exist

• I am aligned with how life turns out; I am almost as one with life. No resistance is produced when something bad happens, because I am one with it and I don’t mind

• I accept

The last two points of each person is what I think the most important trait that they have. They are complete juxtapositions of each other, creating a strong contrast of end results depending which trait you are defined with.

So what makes you upset longer?

The key to elongating an upsetting situation is to deny it even being part of your problem. It is having complete resistance, as if you are trying to mentally push off the problem itself away from your mind as far as possible.

But by doing so, you create the friction of unhappiness and extra negativity. Because you are basically staying there in one place, combating against the problematic thought, when you could just easily stop the fight and move on.

But you can’t, because sometimes when you consider stop fighting against your problems in your mind, you feel reluctant because you think once you stop denying, the problem will get to you more, somehow.

You feel that If you stop pushing it back, it’ll just keep going deeper and deeper into your body and thoughts and cause even further damage to your well-being. In other words, in a twisted way, you might feel that you will “lose” to your thoughts.

That is the ultimate illusion you can be under if you have a problematic thought in your mind that likes play tug-of-war with you. Constantly pulling and pushing back and forth between you and the negative thought.

But while you are suffering from a “love/hate” relationship between your negative thoughts, have you ever just asked yourself…:”So what else is there in this moment?” or “what is the next step for me?”

Why is there denial?

So what is the real reason for denying a certain situation? Well, it might be because sometimes the situation is just too much for you to handle mentally, and that you don’t have the confidence you’ll make it through the reality.

Naturally, denial is a form of self-protective mechanism, but it makes you live in a lie that ultimately causes more damage than the original problem. You are more likely to be in denial of things if you have low confidence/self-esteem.

And low confidence/esteem is the major reason why denial is present, causing the upsetting emotions to elongate in any situations.

Person A’s low self-confidence/esteem

If you refer back to Person A’s traits again, you’ll notice that there is a common pattern going on in there.

The pattern is:

• Low self confidence and esteem is usually the main issue that causes them to dwell on matters for a long period of time.

Because when you don’t believe in yourself and don’t like yourself enough, you would start to operate in life only to try to either protect or promote your self-image/belief.

• When you promote your self-image, you might talk/do things in a way that you know that other people will like. Or you might even lie or exaggerate about your history or personality to make other people like you, so ultimately you would like yourself.

• When you protect your self-image, guess what happens? you deny. You would likely to deny your mistakes as your own, therefore you will blame others. You will also likely to deny problems as your own, therefore you try to fight and resist them within your mind.

However, having to either promote and protect, you are also in the risk of fact that your self-image is incredibly inconsistent, that it will change dramatically if something contradicts your “false” self image.

Therefore, your happiness and identity is strictly dependent on the outside events/people.

You’d lose complete control over your feelings, because your emotions are not your sincere emotions anymore, instead they are the emotions of your “falsely created identity”, therefore when that identity is threatened, the only thing that will react is of it’s “false” emotions.

Therefore, Person A with low confidence/esteem suffers from denial of problems/reality because they are ultimately afraid to acknowledge who they truly are (in which they believe is not worthy).

In summary, they fear things will get worse and that they will feel worse, therefore they protect and deny.

To sum it all up, you get upset longer because you deny/resist it, you deny it because you don’t want to admit that it is part of your life/identity, you don’t want to admit because you are afraid it will make you feel bad about yourself, you are afraid about feeling bad about yourself because…you already do feel bad about yourself inside.

So…what is next?

The illusion of further damage

Before you start to try to get out of your upsetting mentality right away, you need to have the awareness on the topic of being upset.

• Realize that your problematic and upsetting thoughts in your head isn’t going to do more damage than it already has. There is no point staying at one place to fight against it, because the only result is it fighting back.

You know deep down inside that you have a problem in your life and that you either deal with it or you accept it for what it is.

• Whenever you feel unhappy about something, try to avoid feeling even worse by just admitting to yourself that “I am unhappy, and that is all, nothing more”

• Try to accept the thoughts and situations, because once you do that, you open up a new road where you’d move down to more options.

• Like I said before, give your life a hug

You’d open up the door to a bigger world full of other things that you could focus on.

• Bear in mind though, that I’m not suggesting moving away from your problems, because that is the same as resisting your problems which creates more negativity.

• I am suggesting moving on from your problems, it means you have already finished the stage of immersing in your problems, and you’ve moved on.

Therefore, the simple answer to shortening your upsetting episodes/situations, is simply…accept them.

Do not try to protect yourself and fight your thoughts, you will be more protected and happier when you accept them as your mistakes and your problems.

Life itself is a lesson, if you always skip the classes, how would you ever learn to be happy? 

Don’t fight, simply because there isn’t anything for you to fight against.

Note: on the next painfully long post, I will be talking about some methods that could help you move on faster from problems in your life. Thank you for reading!